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#how many times have I quoted this in my lifetime #far too many and still not enough

Guys, btw, this is an actual insult

if he calls your mother a hamster, it indicates that she is a fast-breeding rodent— you can get the insult there

and if he says your father smelt of elderberries, well, wine was primarily made from elderberries in the time of king arthur. he’s calling his dad a drunk

more you know

(Source: redlight--district, via a-stranger-from-the-outside)

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the first person to poop must have been like ???????????????

As an infant they probably didn’t register what was happening

i was imagining a grown ass man. a man with a beard. a man hunting alaskan mammoths to provide for his family. i forgot babies. i forgot babies existed

(via tutankhamoist)

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how do rappers get away with confessing like murders and doing drugs in their songs and get in no trouble yet once when i was like 9 i broke my moms perfume bottle and wrote it down just in case she killed me people would know who did it and she just found it like yesterday and grounded me  for a frickin week

(Source: nappyheadet, via postllimit)